Through The Lies Comes Clarity
by xoRosiePosiexo
Summary: When Dan wakes up after a car accident, he is missing the memory of the last few years of his life. With the help of Phil and his old youtube videos, he slowly rediscovers himself, but some things may have been better left forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

It was the dull throbbing in Dan's head which dragged him into consciousness. The world was too loud and Dan didn't want to open his eyes yet. A bright light was being shone onto his face and he shrunk back away from it. There were voices, too many to understand, and none of them familiar.

'Dan, are you awake? Can you hear me?' Someone said into his ear and he jumped. Dan? Was that his name? It must be, it seemed vaguely familiar. He tried to answer, but all that came out was a groan. His body was being poked and prodded, and he was becoming frustrated by this feeling of being trapped. Dan attempted to move his arm to swat the people away, but it was like a dead weight. With a great effort, he blinked his eyes open.

The shock of finding himself suspended above the floor made him cry out, and immediately there were soothing voices all around, telling him that it was ok, they would get him out soon. Trying to take in what he was seeing, he realised that he was looking down at the roof of a car, and that he was trapped by the car seat which was mangled around his body. He quickly squeezed his eyes shut again. The surrealism of the situation was making him feel dizzy and light-headed, although that may just be the blood rushing to his head. He couldn't remember how he had ended up here, or anything for that matter. The only thing he knew at that moment was that everything hurt and he needed to get out of there as soon as possible. He didn't even know his own name, although the person dabbing a cut on his forehead seemed convinced that it was Dan.

'What happened?' Dan managed to croak out, still afraid to reopen his eyes and face the situation.

'Well, no one knows for sure yet. You and your friend were in a car accident, your friend is at the hospital now and we'll soon have you out and on your way there. The ambulance is waiting but you're trapped so they're going to cut you out.' The man had a calming deep voice, but Dan's brain was fighting to keep up. Friend? What friend?

'My parents...' His voice broke before he could finish his sentence.

'Don't worry son, we've already called them. Your friend had their number. They'll be waiting for you at the hospital.' The man stopped dabbing his forehead. 'Now I'm going to leave you for a few minutes while they cut you out. Don't panic, just stay still and they'll have you out in no time.'

Before Dan had time to reply, he sensed the man crawling away from him, and then he was alone. There was a lot of shouting, and suddenly a loud buzzing noise started up. As it got louder and louder, Dan began to scream with terror. He didn't dare open his eyes for fear of seeing a giant chainsaw just feet from his head.

In the ambulance, Dan was trapped again by the neck brace and the straps which kept him pinned to the stretcher. The journey was a very bumpy ride, but he could barely feel it after all the painkillers he had been given. The same man rode with him and kept talking to him all the way, although Dan was only half listening. He had no idea where he was or where the nearest hospital was, all he could do was fight to keep himself awake. When they finally arrived, he was unloaded and whisked away in a flurry of paramedics. As his eyes slipped closed, there were electronic beeps and shouts all around him.

The sun was already high in the sky, somewhere behind the murky grey clouds, when Dan woke again. The throbbing in his head was still there although it was more subdued, more bearable. He forced his eyes open and allowed them to focus on the dull, off-white ceiling of the hospital ward. As he rolled his head to the left, a digital clock told him that it was 2:45pm. His breathing quickened as the feeling of being lost washed over him again. To calm himself down, he went over the facts in his mind, reminding himself that he knew at least a few things. He hadn't forgotten everything. His name was Dan. He was in hospital. He had been in a car accident with a friend. It was the middle of the afternoon. He was awake and breathing.

And that was it. That was all he knew. He still didn't feel calm, and became even more panicked when he found that he still couldn't get up.

'Help!' He called out, tears welling in his eyes again.

It was only a matter of seconds before a nurse arrived at his bedside. She smiled down at him kindly and checked a clipboard at the end of his bed. 'Hello there Dan. Good morning, or should I say, good afternoon.' Dan could see that she was trying to be friendly, but he was in no mood to chat right now.

'What day is it?' He blurted out. Out of all the questions in his head, why did he have to choose the least important?

She chuckled. 'It's Thursday the 15th of March 2013. The prime minister is David Cameron and we still don't have hover cars.'

Dan stared up at the woman, waiting for her to laugh and tell him what day it really was.

'Are you alright Dan? Do you need some more painkillers?' She peered down into his face in concern. He shook his head but before he could speak, there was a knock at the door. The nurse spun around and smiled at whoever was in the doorway. 'Yes, he's awake. You can see him now.'

She stepped back and took one last look at him before walking away. The next second, Dan was consumed in a tight hug which almost cut off his breathing.

'Daniel! Oh my boy, my precious boy...' His mother sobbed into his ear. The sound of awkward shuffling further away told Dan that his father was also in the room.

'Mum...' Dan mumbled, crushed under her weight, but she held onto him for a good few minutes before finally letting go and stepping back, wiping her eyes. Dan blinked and stared up at her. There was something different... something not quite right. Her hair... Dan was sure it had been shorter before... and a different colour. The more Dan thought about it, the more he became convinced that his mum had blonde hair, not this chocolate brown.

'Oh Daniel, we were so worried. I never thought something like this would happen to my beautiful boy. ' She hadn't torn her eyes from him yet, and it was making Dan uncomfortable. He wished he could just get up and show her that he was fine and that she didn't need to worry. He hated seeing her upset.

'I always knew he was bad news.' His father muttered in the corner, only just loud enough for Dan to hear. His mother spun around.

'Don't you dare, Michael. It wasn't his fault, it was an accident.' She snapped.

His father raised his eyebrows. 'He was driving, and yet it's our Dan in the hospital bed.'

'He would never have put Dan in danger and you know that. He already feels bad enough. Just leave it now.' She turned back to Dan and gave a weak smile. Dan was tired of trying to keep up. It felt like they were speaking another language. Who were they talking about?


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later, Dan was just as lost as ever. They kept mentioning things he'd never done, places he'd never seen, people he'd never met. His mother was becoming increasingly frustrated by his lack of response to the conversation, and his father kept muttering things in her ear. When Dan began to feel sleepy, he didn't even bother trying to hide a yawn. Thankfully, his mother saw and took that as her cue to leave. She reminded him that she loved him and that they were there for him, and then led his father out of the room.

His head was still aching, but it wasn't from the lump on his forehead. His brain was exhausted from straining to remember things. It was like he was in a nightmare and couldn't wake up. The more he thought about it, the bigger a chunk of his memory was missing. He didn't remember the accident, but he also didn't remember getting into the car, and he certainly didn't know which of his friends had been with him. None of his friends could drive yet, and he didn't know anyone who had their own car yet.

Before he could ponder the enigma any longer, he was shaken from his daydream by shouting outside his room.

'I don't care, I need to see him!'

'Mr Lester, please, stay calm.'

'No, just let me in.'

'He needs his rest; he's not ready to see you yet.'

'He's already had visitors today, why not me?'

'They were family.'

'Well, I'm closer than family. Get out of my way.'

'Sir-'

The door was ripped open and immediately slammed shut. Dan watched the man lean against the door for a few seconds, before slowly turning around to face Dan's bed. Dan's eyes widened as he took in the stranger's appearance. This must be the nameless friend, Mr Lester, the one in the car with him. There were cuts and bruises across the man's pale skin, and his eyes were searching Dan's face, but a sinking feeling warned Dan that something wasn't right. He'd never seen this person in his life before. How had he convinced the nurses and his parents that he was friends with Dan?

'Dan, I'm so sorry.' His voice broke on the last word, and he stepped forwards. Dan sat up and shuffled backwards, ignoring the searing pain in his chest from the movement.

'Sorry for what?' Dan said cautiously, his eyes narrowing as the stranger came closer.

'It's my fault. I wasn't paying attention to the road, and now look at you. I thought...' He stopped at the end of the bed and squeezed his eyes shut before carrying on. 'I thought you were dead. They took me away and no one would tell me where you were.'

Dan stared blankly at him. He had no memory of this man, and yet the stranger seemed to care a lot for him, judging by how upset he was about the accident.

'I don't understand. Who are you?' Dan thought aloud. The man opened his eyes and blinked slowly as he studied Dan's face.

'What? Is this a joke Dan, because it's not very funny?' The man looked as if he was going to get angry again.

Dan shook his head hurriedly; afraid this man was actually crazy and might attack him. After all, he seemed to think he knew Dan.

'It's me, Phil. Don't you recognise me Dan? I'm not that badly injured…' Phil looked almost as confused as Dan felt.

'I don't know anyone called Phil. I've never met you before in my life.' Dan glanced around the room. There must be a panic button somewhere, a cord to pull which would alert a nurse.

'Dan, stop it now. This isn't funny.' Phil stepped around the bed and came closer.

'Get away from me! Don't come any closer or I'll scream.' Dan warned, his breathing quickening as he realised the danger of the situation. He was all alone in this room with a stranger, and with the amount of needles and tubes, he couldn't exactly make a quick escape if things turned ugly.

'What are you talking about Dan? It's just me; I'm not going to hurt you.' Phil placed his hand on Dan's leg.

'Help me! Nurse! Someone help me!' Dan screeched, kicking and flailing. Within a few moments the door was slammed open and Phil was dragged out of the room by Dan's father. Dan heard his father shouting all the way down the corridor, but he couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. His heart was thumping in his chest.

A nurse and his mother rushed into the room a minute later, both fussing over Dan unnecessarily. He had to admit to them that Phil hadn't actually hurt him or done anything except touch him.

'Oh Dan.' His mother shook her head in exasperation. 'You had us all scared then. Why were you kicking up a fuss if it was just Phil?'

'Who the hell is he?!' Dan exploded, fed up of feeling completely out of the loop. 'Why do you all go on about him so much? I've never met him before in my life, and you're all suddenly his best friend. Isn't anyone else worried about the fact that he attacked me and took me away in his car? It's lucky we crashed, or I'd never have escaped.'

'What? Dan, what are you talking about? Are you saying that Phil attacked you?' His mother dropped into the seat beside the bed and placed her hand over his.

'It's the only explanation. I don't remember it, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have just gotten in a car with a complete stranger. I'm not that stupid.' Dan couldn't believe he was the only one to have even thought about how Dan had been involved in an accident with a stranger.

'A stranger- Dan, are you saying that you don't know who Phil is?' The worry in his mother's voice was infectious, and suddenly Dan felt as if maybe he should be worried by this too.

'Yes. Finally, someone's listening to me.' Dan rolled his eyes, but his mum didn't even break a smile.

'Dan, what is the date today?' The nurse piped in suddenly.

Dan blinked at her random change of subject, before answering.

'Well, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago, so I think it's around the 20th of June. I'm not sure; everything is a bit hazy at the moment.'

She nodded slowly, before speaking again, very slowly.

'And what year is it?'

Dan laughed, expecting her to laugh too, but her face was deadly serious.

'It's 2009.' He stated. His mother gasped loudly, and before Dan had time to ask what was wrong, she had fainted.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan stared down at the newspaper in his hands, trying to take it in. Four years of his life were missing. Four years' worth of memories. All the things he had done, all the people he had met, all the sights he had seen. They were gone, and no one knew if they'd ever come back.

He watched the ink begin to run where the salty tears hit the page. Why couldn't he just wake up from this nightmare?

The nurse had only stayed long enough to explain what she could, before she left him in the room with his mother. It was 3.30pm on the clock beside his bed.

'Mum, I'm scared.' Dan broke the silence. His voice was thick and he swallowed hard although his throat was dry. 'I really don't remember any of it.'

'It's going to be ok, Dan, I promise. We can work through this.' She squeezed his hand. 'We'll take things nice and slowly.'

'I just want to go home with you and figure this out.' Dan wiped his eyes, ashamed that he was so weak.

'Oh honey.' She said sadly, a strange expression in her face. 'You don't live with us anymore. You'll be going home with Phil when you get out of here.'

'What? No, no Mum, please don't make me! I don't even know him. I can't live with him, I know nothing about him. Can't I just come home with you?' Dan pleaded, his pulse quickening with fear as he thought about the man who had shouted at a nurse.

'I'm sorry darling, there's just no room for you anymore. We sold the old house; we didn't need so much space when you and Adrian both moved out.' She took in a deep breath. 'You'll be happy with Phil. You've been living together for three years.'

Dan let his head drop back onto the pillow, defeated. So he had no choice. His parents didn't want him around anymore, and he was being forced to live with this man. Apparently he had already been living with him for years, but that didn't make him feel any more comfortable with it. Although… three years was a long time to live with a friend…

'Mum, were me and Phil… are we together?' He asked, sitting up again.

She just nodded at him, before looking down at her hands.

'He's been waiting all day to see you. You must understand, he loves you and he feels awful about what happened. He feels responsible.' She glanced back at the door. 'I'm sorry that he scared you, but you must have scared him too.'

'I want to see him again.' Dan declared, sounding braver than he felt. He was going to have to talk to Phil at some point, and maybe he might be able to jog Dan's memory. 'Could you maybe warn him about all this, and then send him in?'

'Of course, darling.' She looked up and smiled. 'And I'll be right outside if you need me.'

Ten minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door and it opened slowly. Phil stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. They looked at each other in silence for a moment, before Phil made his way across the room. This time, he was calm, and even slightly reluctant to be there. His eyes hadn't left Dan's face since he entered the room, and as he got closer, Dan noticed that they were red and puffy.

Dan cleared his throat awkwardly.

'So, um… sorry about earlier.' He shrugged. 'I, uh, I know who you are now, kind of. No more freaking out, I hope.' He tried to give a little laugh but it sounded empty and died away quite quickly.

Phil dropped into the chair beside his bed and put his head in his hands.

'This isn't fair!' His voice was muffled but he was still loud enough to startle Dan. He jumped slightly and tried to cover it up with a cough. 'Why did this have to happen to you? It should have been me, I deserved it.'

'Yeah, well life isn't fair.' Dan sighed, then realised that he wasn't really comforting his 'boyfriend' very much. 'Phil, I may have only just met you, but I really don't think you deserve this. No one does.'

He raised his head and met Dan's eyes. For a second it seemed like he was going to argue back, but then he shook his head.

'So, is that how we're going to treat it then? As if it's the first time we met?' He didn't seem angry now; he looked confused and lost.

'I guess so. I mean, for me this _is_ the first time we've met.'

Phil stayed with him for hours and they talked into the night, until Dan fell asleep from exhaustion. He had been content to sit and listen to Phil tell him stories about the first time they met. For the first time that day, he had felt comfortable and safe. Talking to Phil just felt natural, and now he wasn't so scared because he knew Phil would be there for him. It was going to take a while to feel ok again, but Phil would support him, and it was clear how much he loved Dan.


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later, Dan followed Phil out to the car park, his eyes scanning the world around him. For the future, it really wasn't that different, but Phil had found Dan's reaction hilarious when he brought his laptop in a few days before.

_'I thought I'd bring some photos for you to see, in case they– Dan, what is it?'_

_'Oh my god, what is that?'_

_'My laptop.'_

_'It's awesome! Can I see it?'_

_'Dan, it's just a laptop. Here.'_

_'Wow, this really is the future! It's so thin.'_

_'It's nothing special. You've got one too.' _

_'I have one of these?!'_

_'Yeah, it's at home.'_

_'Do I have a phone like yours too?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'I can't wait to go home. I mean, losing my memory sucks, but discovering everything again is so much fun.'_

_'Oh that reminds me, I've been researching film releases since 2009 and we have a lot to catch up on.'_

As Dan followed Phil to the car, he took deep breaths of fresh air. After having been cooped up in that hospital, he felt his spirit soar in the cool spring air. Phil slid into the driver's seat and Dan spent a minute attempting to open the door with one hand as his other arm was in a cast. He giggled as Phil jumped out of the car, apologising profusely for forgetting, before opening the door for him. Inside, Phil also had to help Dan with his seatbelt, and his heart fluttered as he leaned across him. Phil smelt delicious, and Dan didn't even feel guilty. He was his, after all.

As the car pulled out of the car park and onto the busy road, Dan turned on the radio. Immediately the car was filled with some kind of k-pop track and Phil groaned before leaning over and changing the station.

'Songs like that make me wish_ I_ couldn't remember them.' He glanced over at Dan and winked before returning his focus to the road ahead. Dan couldn't help but smile back. He felt like a schoolboy again, with an embarrassing crush. To distract himself, he flicked through some different radio stations before deciding that he was being annoying. He sat back and looked out of the window, tapping his finger against his leg in time to the beat.

When the car slowed to a stop in a small side street, Dan breathed a sigh of relief. This was nicer than he had been expecting, and somehow it already felt like home. Phil got out and immediately scurried around the front of the car to help Dan out. He led him to the blue front door of a sand-coloured brick building.

'Welcome home.' He announced as he finished unlocking the door and pushed it open. Phil stepped inside and flicked on the lights. They were in a narrow hallway which quite abruptly turned into a steep flight of carpeted stairs. Dan walked forwards and began to climb the stairs curiously while Phil closed and locked the door again. On the way up, Dan admired the various canvases on the wall. Another flight of stairs later, Dan found himself in another narrow corridor. He let his hands brush against each wall as he ventured forwards. The first opening on his left revealed a small kitchen, and Dan turned into it, only to find himself bouncing back with a thud. Phil, who had followed him up quietly, laughed so hard he was almost doubled over. Dan rubbed his head and took a step back. At that point he realised that it was not an opening, but actually a glass door.

'Some things never change.' Phil giggled as he reached Dan and pushed the door open for him.

'Who the hell thought that was a good idea? And I'm guessing that's not the first time I've done that.' Dan sighed as he followed Phil into the kitchen.

'It's a daily occurrence, and you say the same thing every time.' Phil chuckled while he filled the kettle. 'We've lived here for a year now, and it's still funny.'

'I'm glad that my pain is a source for your amusement.' Dan leaned against a counter and scanned the room. Suddenly, he spotted something on top of the fridge.

'Phil, what the hell is that?' Phil turned around to look where he was pointing.

'That's hidden wombat.' Phil said casually before turning back to the cups of tea he was making.

'Ok then.' Dan said slowly, wondering if it was supposed to be a completely normal thing in 2013 to hide stuffed animals around the house. 'Hey Phil, where's the bathroom?'

'Oh god, sorry. I'm still getting used to treating you like a guest at home. It's just down the corridor, second door on the right.' Phil pointed down the corridor and Dan followed his directions.

As he turned to leave the bathroom, he was met with a giant poster of five teenage boys. The shock made him jump, and he looked around to make sure no one had seen before remembering that he was alone. When he found himself back in the corridor, he had completely forgotten which way was the kitchen. He turned right and walked down the corridor, looking out for the glass door. The hallway ended in a sharp triangle, with two doors facing inwards. The door of one was wide open, and Dan peered in. It was his house after all; he was allowed to be nosy.

The bedroom was bursting with interesting items and canvases, and a corner filled with camera equipment. He backed out of the room and peeked into the other room. Its layout was almost the exact opposite, and seemed to be a lot more colourful. Dan decided that this must be Phil's bedroom. It also had a pile of camera equipment in a corner, but this room had a camera set up on a tripod and facing the bed.

By the time Dan had found his way back to the kitchen, Phil was halfway through his cup of tea and was checking twitter. Dan grabbed his cup with his working arm, and leaned against the counter again.

'Phil, why do we have so much camera equipment?' Dan asked innocently, sipping his drink.

Phil straightened up and turned around. He stared at Dan for a few moments and then sighed. 'Ok, so I haven't been completely honest with you. There's a big part of our lives you don't know about yet. I thought it would be too much for you to handle yet, but I guess you're going to have to find out sooner or later.' He picked up his mug and his laptop, before moving towards the door. 'Come on, let's sit in the lounge. It's a long story.'


	5. Chapter 5

Dan followed Phil down the corridor to yet another room. This one had cream-coloured walls, the same as the rest of the house, and a large comfy-looking brown sofa. Phil dropped down onto it and gestured for Dan to sit beside him. He opened his laptop on his knee and then turned to face Dan.

'I'm not sure where to start.' He admitted after a few moments of opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

'How about at the beginning?' Dan laughed. Phil smiled back at him and nodded.

'Alright then. So, we didn't meet at school. I'm five years older than you, and I come from Manchester. We were worlds apart. But we had one thing in common. YouTube.' He paused and studied Dan's face for any sign of recognition, but Dan just looked confused. 'I started making YouTube videos six years ago. They were pretty rubbish at first, but as they improved, I got a bigger audience.'

'What kind of videos? I don't understand.' Dan shook his head. YouTube was for funny cat videos and epic fails; how could somebody build up an audience for that?

'Well, like vlogs and little sketches. Just talking about my life and my opinions.' Phil rolled his eyes and sighed. 'I'm sorry, I'm not explaining this very well.'

'It's fine, keep going.' Dan encouraged him, curious as to what this had to do with him.

'At that time, you spent a lot of time watching videos on YouTube, and you came across mine. You really enjoyed them, and started talking to me on twitter and other sites. We got to know each other really well. And I encouraged you to start making videos of your own.'

'So… I make videos for YouTube?' Dan confirmed, still trying to get his head around it.

'Very good videos. And very popular videos.' Phil took a deep breath. 'Dan, you're not just a youtuber. You're a popular youtuber with over a million subscribers. You're famous on the internet.'

Dan blinked stupidly. Over a million subscribers? He wasn't sure if that was a big deal on the internet, but it was certainly a huge number of people to him. That meant that over a million people watched his videos, watched him to find out about his life. Over a million people actually cared about what he had to say.

'Are you serious? You're not messing me around?' Dan narrowed his eyes. It would be only too easy to lie to him about his missing memories.

'Dan, I'm telling the truth.' Phil went onto Dan's YouTube channel, and clicked on the first video he saw. 'This was your last video. It's from a week before the accident.'

The night air was colder than he expected, and Dan cursed under his breath as a shiver ripped through his body. He hadn't even thought about picking up his jacket when he'd sneaked out of the house. Phil wouldn't know he was gone yet, he'd pretended he was going to bed.

The memory of all the twitter followers came back to him, and Dan quickened his pace. He had no idea where he was going; all he knew was that he had to keep walking. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be what they all wanted him to be. He wasn't that person. As he turned onto a busy street, he slipped into the crowd, unseen. That was all he'd ever wanted in life: to fade into the background, to be invisible. Yet now all these people were watching his every move, seeing all of his flaws and he was terrified. How would they ever understand that he wasn't the same person anymore? The Dan he'd seen in the videos was so confident, and he had private jokes with his audience. The videos Phil had shown him were supposed to make him feel better about it, but he just felt left out of his old life. Before the accident, everything had been perfect and now his idyllic life with Phil lay shattered in pieces.

All around him, people were going about their daily lives, walking purposefully to meet friends, go out on a date, or maybe get home after work. Dan felt completely alone in this city of dreams, lost and unsure of where to go and what to do. Suddenly, there was a shrill scream and the sound of running footsteps. Dan whipped around to see what was going on, and found himself face to face with a group of excited teenage girls.

'Oh my god, oh my god, it's Dan!' One of them screeched, practically jumping up and down on the spot.

'Lizzy, get the camera, quick!' Another urged a girl with a backpack, and she rifled through the bag frantically before pulling out a small pink camera.

Before Dan could say anything, a girl with bright red hair had wrapped her arms around his waist, and was sobbing into his chest. He tried to carefully extract himself from the unwanted embrace, and cleared his throat.

'Um, hi there.' He said awkwardly, putting his hands in his pockets to stop them shaking. 'Sorry, do you I know you guys?'

They all giggled and shook their heads. The one with the red hair looked up at him with a confused expression.

'No, but we're your biggest fans. Like seriously, I love you so much! So, can we have a picture with you?' She asked, tossing her hair to the side and blinking up at him.

'I…um… ok then.' They all crowded around him and Dan found himself staring into a camera. He knew that pre-accident Dan would have greeted them with a smile, pulled a funny face for the camera and made jokes. But this Dan couldn't do it, and once again he was reminded of how he would never be able to fit into this new life. After what seemed like hours, they were finally happy with the pictures and Dan was able to escape. He marched down the road and kept his head down this time, afraid of going through that all over again. His legs felt weak and he was blinking back tears. That was his first taste of pre-accident Dan's life, and it was one of the scariest moments he had ever been through.

The crowds were thinning as Dan walked further away from the city centre and down smaller streets. When his phone began to buzz in his pocket, he answered it almost immediately.

'Dan? Where are you?' Phil sounded panicked, and Dan immediately felt bad.

'I'm sorry Phil. I just had to get out of there. I needed some air.'

'Couldn't you have warned me? I almost had a heart attack!' Phil was trying to be angry but his voice was still full of worry.

'I'm sorry.' Dan's voice broke, and the tears he'd been fighting began to roll down his cheeks. 'I don't know where I am, Phil. I'm lost and… and I'm scared. I met some girls and they wanted pictures and I didn't know what to do…'

'Oh Dan.' Phil sighed. 'I'm sorry you had to go through that. I thought I'd be with you the first time you got recognised. I would have helped you. Don't worry, I'll come find you. Can you see any street signs?'

Dan looked around and repeated the name of the sign on the opposite side of the road. Phil promised that he'd be there as soon as he could and then hung up. Dan brushed away his tears with the back of his hand and sat on the nearest bench. Now he had nothing to do but wait. He pulled his phone out his pocket and began to play with it, trying to find the games. After a few moments of pressing random buttons, he was nowhere nearer finding. Just as he was about to put it back in his pocket, the phone buzzed again. He turned it over and found a new message, but this time it wasn't Phil. The screen was displaying a new text message from someone named 'Luke'.


	6. Chapter 6

_'Hey, I know Phil said you're not ready to talk yet but I thought we could meet up for coffee sometime this week. This shouldn't stop us from being friends, we've known each other for years.'_

Dan read the text and immediately closed it and put his phone in his pocket. He couldn't deal with any new information right now. He was already struggling to accept his new lifestyle, he couldn't think about getting to know his friends all over again.

The darkness was starting to press in on him, and he pulled his knees up to his chest to keep warm. The street was empty but he was still feeling paranoid that someone would recognise him. When Phil's car finally crawled down the road, Dan jumped up from the bench and waved with the arm that wasn't in a cast. He smiled widely as he got in, relieved that Phil had finally picked him up, but one look at Phil's face and his smile slipped.

He mumbled a quick 'thank you' as he pulled his seatbelt on, and they set off down the road. Dan glanced over at Phil and saw that his hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white. For the whole journey home, they sat in a tense silence which made Dan's skin crawl with guilt. When they eventually arrived home, neither made any attempt at getting out. Phil turned the engine off and stared right ahead, his eyes becoming unfocused as he lost himself to his thoughts.

Dan couldn't take it any longer.

'Look Phil, I'm sorry.'

Phil raised a hand to silence him. He turned to Dan and spoke through gritted teeth.

'Don't. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Again.'

Dan bit his lip and looked down. He hadn't even thought about Phil when he'd just run off like that. He couldn't believe how selfish he had been.

'You have no idea how worried I was. I thought you were asleep, and then I see people on the internet talking about you being out in town on your own. I can't believe how stupid you were.'

Dan felt tears prick at his eyes and he cleared his throat. He already knew he was stupid; he had been told enough times before.

'I'm really sorry Phil. I don't know what I was thinking. I just- I just needed some space. It was too much.' And then the floodgates opened. Phil spun his head around and stared at Dan in shock as he began to sob loudly. 'I can't do it Phil. I can't make videos. I can't be what they want. I'm not that person anymore. I'm nobody.'

Phil immediately undid his seat belt and reached over to Dan, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

'No, please don't cry Dan. It's going to be ok. You don't have to do any of that yet. We'll work out what to do, and I promise, it will be fine.' Phil cooed, his anger and annoyance instantly forgotten as he held Dan. 'Come on, let's go inside.'

Dan lay in his old bed for the first time. The lights were off, the curtains drawn, and he was comfortable. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't fall asleep. His brain just wouldn't shut up, and he couldn't stop replaying that night in his head. He rolled over and checked the time on his phone. 3.08am. Great.

With a sigh, he rolled out of bed and stood in the middle of his room. He had been filled with the sudden urge to go into Phil's room, but now he wasn't sure. He might be annoyed that Dan was waking him up. He sat back down on his bed and dropped his head into his hands. Why was nothing ever simple anymore?

Outside, the road was busy, and Dan's room was closest to the noisy traffic. As yet another siren blared past the house, Dan decided that he'd had enough. He was going to share Phil's bed.

He opened the door carefully so as not to make too much noise. It was only a few steps to Phil's room, and the door was wide open. Obviously he didn't trust him not to run off again in the middle of the night. Dan stepped forwards and fumbled around in the dark until his knee hit the side of the bed. He quietly slipped under the covers.

'Mmm? Whassup?' Phil murmured, still half asleep. He turned over lazily to face Dan and reached his arms out, although his eyes remained closed.

Dan shuffled closer and allowed Phil to wrap his arms around him. It felt so right, so natural to be in Phil's embrace, and already Dan could feel his body relaxing.

'Couldn't sleep.' He whispered back in the dark.

Phil nodded and rubbed his back before immediately falling back asleep. Dan smiled to himself and snuggled up to Phil, letting waves of sleep roll over him until he was submerged.

The morning light struggled to seep through the dark curtains in Phil's room, so when Dan finally woke up, it was mid-morning. He was still cuddled up to Phil, and at some point during the night their limbs had ended up tangled together in a comfortable mess. He was warm and cosy so instead of getting up, he lay still and enjoyed the relaxing, steady pace at which Phil's chest rose and fell. This room was on the other side of the house and much quieter, so Dan could only faintly hear an ambulance in the distance.

When Phil began to stir, Dan rolled away and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

'Good morning.' Phil grinned, his eyes bleary with sleepiness. He wasn't wearing his glasses, so his eyes were squinting slightly to see Dan's face.

'Morning.' Dan nodded, glancing back at him with a smile. 'Thanks for letting me sleep here last night.'

'Oh it's fine. You usually sleep in here when you're not up until god-knows-when editing.' Phil responded. He sat up and put his glasses on, before lying back down. 'That's better. So, what did you want to do today?'

Dan blinked at him. Partly because he hadn't seen Phil in those glasses before (Damn he looked cute) and partly because he had no idea. What was he supposed to say? What did they normally do?

Phil seemed to realise that he wasn't going to get an answer any time soon.

'Because I'm in the mood for a lazy day, what about you? We can just stay in, watch some movies and eat a crapload of food...' He suggested. Dan nodded.

'That sounds like heaven.' He grinned.


	7. Chapter 7

After a quick shower and a bowl of shreddies, they were ready for their movie marathon. Phil was excited to show Dan all of their favourite films, and Dan was just happy that at least for today, no one was expecting anything of him. He sat beside Phil on the sofa, enjoying his reassuring presence. When a shiver ran through him, Phil jumped up and returned with a blanket before he even had time to register that he was cold. Phil tucked it around them and Dan couldn't help but snuggle up to him as the film started.

'I missed this.' Phil murmured, his hand playing with Dan's hair absentmindedly.

'Missed what?' Dan looked up at him.

'Just… romantic moments like this with you. We haven't had any for a while.'

'What about before?'

'I guess we were always too busy. Our lives were going so well, we kind of took each other for granted. We didn't have time for the little things like this anymore.' Phil sighed, and Dan took that as his cue to look back at the screen. He hummed along with the song over the opening credits.

Three films, a bag of popcorn and a laughing fit later, Dan was feeling completely relaxed and comfortable. Phil had his arm around his shoulder, and they had exchanged a few kisses throughout the morning. Dan was almost angry at his pre-accident self for missing out on opportunities like this. He promised himself that he would never let himself take Phil for granted any longer. He was so special, and Dan didn't know what he had done to deserve him.

When Phil had to get up and go to the bathroom, Dan reluctantly sat up and allowed the blanket to fall. Before Phil was out of the room, Dan was already missing his warmth. He paused the film and pulled out his phone to check the time. It was just after two in the afternoon, and Dan was surprised at how fast the time had gone. Suddenly his phone buzzed, causing him to drop it in shock. It hit the floor with a loud thud and he quickly picked it up, praying that he hadn't broken it. He'd always been notorious at school for dropping everything he held. Thankfully there was no damage, but a message was open on the screen. It was from Luke again. Dan still hadn't replied to the last one, and he felt a little guilty about it as he read the next text.

'Dan, you can't just ignore me. I want to talk to you; you could at least be a little cooperative.'

Phil re-entered the room and stopped when he saw Dan staring at his phone.

'Are you ok? I heard a noise.' Phil sat beside him, his face full of concern. His eyes kept glancing down to the phone in his hand.

'Yeah, I'm fine. It's just… this guy is texting me. I think he's one of my friends. But I don't know what to say to him.' Dan bit his lip and reread the message. He knew that it was rude to keep ignoring him, but he didn't even know where to start in answering him.

'Do you… Do you know his name?' Phil asked tentatively.

'Luke.' Dan replied, looking up at Phil. Phil gave a short nod, but his face had hardened.

'And what has he said to you?' Phil asked, a little too casually.

'He wants to meet up for coffee. He says he still wants to be friends.' Dan shook his head. 'How can we? I don't know him anymore.'

Phil grimaced. 'I told our friends not to contact you. I explained the situation, and they know it's going to take a while.' He gestured to the phone. 'Luke was your best friend, and I'm sure he's just trying to help, but you shouldn't have to deal with this just yet. After last night, I want to take everything slowly.'

Dan nodded, feeling the twinge of guilt again at running off like that. Phil held his hand out and Dan stared at it, unsure of what he wanted.

'Dan, give me your phone. I'll call him and let him know you're not ready to meet up yet.' Phil's voice was commanding, and Dan immediately handed the phone over. Phil got up and went to the bedroom to talk.

Ten minutes later, Phil returned. He didn't look happy, but Dan felt that it was best not to ask. They pulled the blanket around themselves and let the movie play again. Phil pulled Dan closer than before, and kissed the top of his head.

Dan tried to push it out of his mind, but he couldn't help feeling a little intimidated by Luke. He had only just got used to having Phil in his life, and now someone else wanted his attention. And badly, from the tone of his text. He could only hope that whatever Phil had said to him had discouraged him for the time being.

When the film ended, they stayed where they were while the credits rolled. It was too comfortable for either of them to get up so they stayed huddled up under a blanket.

'Do you remember anything about that night, Dan?' Phil asked suddenly. Dan blinked slowly, and then sat up.

'Nothing. I mean, the last thing I remember is going to sleep in my old house. I was worrying about my results from my a-levels, and it took me a while to fall asleep. Then I woke up, facing the roof of the overturned car and there were people telling me that my friend was already at the hospital.' He felt the rush of emotions flood back as he spoke. He'd been trying to forget about it, but now the horror was real again.

'I'm sorry.' Phil murmured, guessing what Dan must be feeling. 'I just wondered if anything else had come back. I heard that sometimes the memory loss is only temporary.'

Dan shook his head. 'Well, I hope so, but nothing yet.'

'It's ok though.' Phil sounded cheerier. 'You'll be fine. We'll just have to make new memories instead.'

That night, Phil cooked them a stir-fry meal, and then they watched some more TV before bed. Dan didn't even bother going to his room this time. He preferred Phil's' bed, and Phil was more than happy to share. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, with Phil's arm draped over his waist, and his hand running through Dan's hair comfortingly.

_He was in the back seat of a car. In the driver's seat, he recognised Phil and in the passenger seat, he felt a jolt of shock as he saw himself. His mouth was moving, but there was no sound. He was staring straight ahead, but Phil kept glancing at him. Suddenly, Phil said something, and tears began to roll down Dan's face. He was shouting at Phil, and Phil had begun to shout back. From his position in the car, he could see that the car was swerving as Phil concentrated more on the argument than the road. He saw a sharp corner ahead, but Phil was looking at Dan. He tried to shout, to warn them, but they couldn't hear him. At the last moment, Phil looked back at the road and shock filled his face. He turned the steering wheel sharply, and the car tipped. It was silent as the car rolled and everything turned black. Suddenly, it was as if someone had flicked a switch. There was a long piercing scream, and Dan realised that it was his own. _

Dan woke up in a cold sweat, with Phil shaking him. The lamp was on, and Phil was staring down at him in fear. Dan's breathing was heavy and he felt sick.

'Dan! Wake up, it's just a nightmare.' Phil was saying frantically as he shook him.

'I'm awake, Phil.' Dan choked, pulling himself in to a sitting position. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to remember the details of the dream, but it was like sand running through his fingers. 'It's just a nightmare, I'm fine.'


	8. Chapter 8

When Dan woke up the next morning, the bed was empty. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, wondering why he felt so exhausted. The sounds coming from the kitchen told him that Phil was up and making himself some breakfast, so Dan swung his legs out of bed and stood up. He shivered a little in his t-shirt and pulled one of Phil's hoodies on. It smelt delicious, probably because Phil insisted on using girly shower gel.

As he padded out of the room, he could hear that Phil had some music playing. He hummed along to it as he went down the corridor, and made sure to check that the kitchen door was open before going in this time.

'Morning!' He said happily as he entered the room. Phil was making a fried breakfast, and Dan hadn't realised how hungry he was until he heard the food frying and smelled the eggs.

Phil jumped a little at the sound, almost knocking over the frying pan. Dan giggled and leaned against the counter.

'Oh Dan, morning. Sorry, I thought you were still asleep. I was… um… I was making you breakfast in bed.' Phil blushed.

'That's so sweet of you.' Dan smiled shyly. 'It smells delicious.'

He waited with Phil, humming along to the music as he watched him. At one point, Phil gave him a funny look before turning back to the food. When it was done, he plated it up and carried it through to the table in the front room. Dan followed, feeling oddly cheerful. He wasn't usually a morning person, but that was because usually he didn't have anything to get up for.

When they had finished and were clearing away the plates, Phil turned to him.

'Dan, why do you keep humming that song?' He asked.

'What do you mean?' Dan wasn't humming anything.

'You've been humming the same song all morning.' Phil explained.

'I… really? I didn't realise. It must have been the music you were playing in the kitchen.' Dan shrugged.

'I wasn't playing any music.' Phil said slowly.

Dan swallowed.

'Yes you were; I heard it when I got up.' He furrowed his brows in confusion.

'I'm sure I wasn't. Anyway, I don't even have that song. It's not even out yet. It's new; it's only been on the radio a few times.' Phil turned away to scrape his plate. 'So, are you feeling better this morning?'

'What do you mean?' Dan filled the kettle and set it boiling.

'That nightmare really shook you up. Did you want to talk about it?' Phil turned back to him.

'I… uh, no I'm fine.' Dan shrugged. To be perfectly honest, he had completely forgotten about it until now. 'Sorry for waking you up, it was pretty stupid of me.'

To his surprise, Phil laughed. It was a sweet sound which Dan was sure he would never tire of hearing.

'Don't be silly Dan. You can always wake me up when you have a bad dream.' Phil giggled.

'Ok Dan, now all you have to do is stay quiet and just make sure that the camera is always in focus.'

Dan was standing behind a camera on a tripod, and Phil was facing him, sitting on his bed. He'd asked Dan to help him film his new video today, and although Dan had no idea what he was doing, he was interested to watch. Phil burst into life and Dan was impressed by the change that came over him as soon as the camera was recording. He became cute and innocent, with a child-like excitement which was infectious. Every so often he would stop to explain to Dan what he was going to edit in later, or to ask him to slowly zoom in on him pulling a face.

After an hour, he was happy with what they had.

'So, yeah. That was a youtube video. Now I have to go edit it, and get it down from an hour to five minutes.' He was about to leave the room when he noticed that Dan wasn't replying. Instead, he was staring at the camera, lost in his thoughts.

'Dan, are you ok?' He got up and stood beside him. It was only when he placed a hand on Dan's shoulder that he jumped and was snapped back to reality.

'Oh sorry, did you say something? I was miles away.' Dan grinned sheepishly.

'What were you thinking about?' Phil asked, his thoughts immediately going to the nightmare Dan wouldn't talk about.

'I just… uh… it's a bit stupid… but I wanted to make a video too.' Dan bit his lip.

Phil blinked and smiled widely.

'That's a great idea! I should have thought of it before.' He began to walk out of the room again.

'Wait, where are you going? Aren't we filming it in here?' Dan called, looking back at the camera.

'Oh, no. You have to film your videos in your own room Dan. You can't do it in here. They know this is my room.' Phil poked his head around the door to explain.

'I don't understand…' Dan said slowly, his eyes narrowing. Who cares if they knew it was Phil's room? What was the problem?

'Well, the people who watch our videos… don't know we're together.' Phil said the last bit quickly, as if that would make it better. 'We keep it a secret.'

'Oh.' Was all Dan could say. Well, that must make things quite complicated.

'It's not that we're ashamed or anything.' Phil was quick to explain. 'It's just… a public relationship can be very difficult. It's nobody's business but our own.'

'Yeah, I understand.' Dan gave a small smile and got up to follow him. It was sad though. He hated the idea of not being to share with the world how happy Phil made him.

That evening, they watched through the footage. Dan was surprised at how confident he came across on camera, even though he found it hard to talk about the accident. At first Phil had been reluctant to let him make the video. He was worried about how it would be received by the fans, and about how their reactions would affect Dan. But Dan explained that he just felt like he needed to tell them, that he owed them a proper explanation about why he wasn't around at the moment. In the video, he told them that he needed some space to recover and to rediscover himself. He promised that he would try to make some videos to get back into it, but warned them that they would different to the ones they were used.

Phil offered to edit the video for him, and Dan was all too happy to let him, seeing as he had no idea what to do. The rest of the night was spent watching TV while Phil was in the office editing. It was a bit lonely, and Dan wondered if this was what it had been like before. Both of them doing their own thing and drifting apart. Even by the time he was feeling sleepy and went along to Phil's room, he was still editing. Dan didn't even consider sleeping in his own room, and instead he got changed and climbed into bed. He was fast asleep before Phil joined him.

_He was in the car again. There was still an eerie silence as the argument panned out in front of his eyes, and this time he covered his eyes with his hands before they crashed. The familiar roll of the car made his stomach churn._

Dan was woken up by Phil the second night in a row. He was staring down at him in concern, and Dan could tell that he wasn't going to let it go this time.


	9. Chapter 9

'Dan, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?'

'It's nothing; it was just a stupid nightmare.'

'It didn't look like nothing.'

'Phil, it doesn't matter. Can't we just go back to sleep?'

'Why won't you tell me?'

'For fuck's sake, it was just a dream. What does it matter?'

Phil's face fell and he dropped back onto the pillows. It was the first time that Dan had snapped at him like that, and it felt like he had just slapped him.

'I was just trying to help.' Phil muttered, before turning onto his side away from Dan. The room was silent for a few moments, and Dan remained propped up on his elbows, suddenly wide-awake. He sighed as he heard Phil sniffling beside him.

'Phil, I'm sorry.' No reply. 'Phil?' Silence. 'I'm going to my own room.' He announced, hoping that Phil would turn over and stop him, but the older boy stayed where he was.

Reluctantly, he slid out of bed and crossed the dark room. He felt around for the door and pulled it open, allowing a sliver of light to fall across the inanimate shape in the bed. Once in the carpeted hallway, he closed Phil's door and padded across to his own barely-slept-in room.

He crawled into bed, and was once again reminded of how noisy the traffic was on this side of the house. It didn't matter though, he didn't feel sleepy anymore. He thought back to the dream. He didn't want to tell Phil about it, not yet at least. It was his own private dream. After the accident, he'd had to get used to the fact that everyone knew him better than he knew himself. He had no secrets, everything was laid open. But this dream, this was something new. This was something no one knew about him. This was part of the new Dan, something that he knew had happened to him because he remembered the experience. It was special, and he wasn't about to let go of this feeling any time soon, not even for Phil.

The world outside was still dark, so in order to kill the boredom, Dan pulled his laptop onto his knee. Luckily for him, Phil had known all of his passwords for his social networking accounts, so he was still able to access them. He logged himself on to Facebook, and a few moments later switched over to twitter. He scrolled lazily down his timeline, reading the various tweets and chuckling at a few, but unable to feel any attachment to the names. These people were from another world in which Dan didn't belong yet. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw his own name. 'Dan Howell' was the number one worldwide trending topic.

He gulped, the pressure rising again. All those people who knew him, and yet didn't really know _him_. The blue writing was calling him, and his curiosity got the better of him. He slowly moved his cursor over his name and clicked. Moments later, his screen was filled with tweets about him. Even though the page had only just loaded, there were 20 new tweets ready at the top. He scrolled down and scanned through them.

'Of course.' He thought. 'My new video.'

Thousands upon thousands of people had watched his new video. Some thought it was a hilarious prank. Some thought he was making a sick joke. Some were expressing their confusion. A large number had tweeted to inform the world that they had unsubscribed. And then were a small few, but still some, which were sympathetic towards him. A few of his most ardent fans confessed their undying loyalty, be this video a joke or not. He smiled at the ones which reminded him that they would continue to help and support him. But there were countless hateful messages which forced him to slam the laptop shut, blinking away tears.

'They don't know you.' He muttered to himself over and over, refusing to cry. 'They don't know you.'

He must have fallen asleep at some point in the early morning, because he woke up to the sunlight bursting through his curtains. Yawning and stretching, he experienced the hideous sensation of thinking that everything is alright and then remembering that it is not. He reached over and checked his phone, but he wasn't surprised that it was 1pm. He had always preferred sleeping through the morning, since his early teenage years.

Dan jumped out of bed, causing his eyes to go black from standing up too quickly. A second later, this had passed and he was ambling out to the kitchen. There was no sound in the flat, and when he got to the fridge, he noticed a note pinned up with a magnet of Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas.

'Gone out. Be back later. Phil.'

That was it. No kisses, no explanation.

Dan must have really hurt him last night. As the oldest in the relationship, Dan hadn't expected him to be so sensitive. But then again, he was only trying to help and Dan threw it back in his face. He groaned as he turned away from the kitchen, suddenly not hungry anymore.

He went into the lounge and just stood in the middle of the room, feeling lost. He couldn't go on the internet: he was afraid of what he might read. He wasn't in the mood for watching anything. In fact, all he really wanted was for someone to talk to. But Phil was out, and it didn't look like he would want to talk to Dan even if he was around.

For the second time since he had arrived at this flat, he felt the desire to go out and get some air. This time, he wore a hoodie with the hood pulled up and some baggy jeans. The plan was to go in a kind of disguise, in order to reduce the risk of getting recognised. When he was happy with the difference, he stepped outside the door and locked it. Immediately there was a rush of freedom, and Dan breathed in deeply. He began to walk briskly, deciding to look confident so that he could blend in with the crowds. A Starbucks sign caught his eye after only a few minutes of walking, and he ducked into the shop. The familiarity of the café was a feeling he hadn't experienced in a long time, and he actually felt happy as he walked up to the counter and ordered his usual coffee.

Finding himself a seat in the corner, out of the way, Dan was content just listening to the general chatter and the clinks of the mugs. He felt more at home here than the flat with Phil, and he became lost in his thoughts as he absent-mindedly stirred his coffee. That is, until he sensed a figure standing right in front of his table and looking down at him. He jumped slightly and peered up to find a man around his own age, with pale blond hair swept to the side staring down at him. He had a look of joyous surprise lighting up his face, and Dan realised that this must be someone who actually knew him.

'Dan? I can't believe it; I haven't seen you in weeks! You weren't answering my texts, I was getting worried.' The man said, his voice full of incredulity, and he grabbed a chair from another table to sit with Dan, uninvited. Dan blinked at him, trying desperately to work out how to escape this situation.

'You don't recognise me, do you?' The man leaned back in his seat and shook his head in amazement. 'Phil wasn't joking then.'

Dan bit his lip and shrugged. He was still attempting to drink in his face, praying that some feature would trigger his broken memory. He was attractive, that was Dan's first guilty observation. The blond hair was so pale that it was almost white, and looked as if it would be soft and smooth to the touch. His blue eyes were a shade darker than Phil's: pretty, but a little murkier. Like a patch of seaweed under a bright blue sea. His button nose could have made him look childish, were it not for the crooked grin which made Dan's palms tingle.

'I… I'm guessing you're a friend…' He tried to sound less lost than he felt.

'A friend? I'm your best friend. Ever since Jack Palmer moved your whole bedroom outside on the second day of uni and I helped you carry it all back in.' He chuckled to himself at this apparently fond memory, and Dan felt himself cringing at the story of his former self. 'You were such a loser, Dan. No offence, but you were.'

Dan sighed internally. It was one of his pet hates about Luke, that he always said 'no offence' while actually offending you quite a lot.

'Wait a minute!' Dan thought, flicking his eyes up. 'Did I just remember something?'

'You're Luke!' He exclaimed. Luke raised his eyebrows and smirked.

'And you're Dan. Nice to meet you again.' He offered his hand and Dan shook it, feeling a giddy excitement rising. It wasn't much, but he had remembered his name, and something about him. It was a start.

'It looks like we have a lot to catch up on.' Dan smiled.

'Then I best get myself a coffee.' Luke grinned, and he patted Dan on the back as he got up.

Dan watched him walk away and began to sip his coffee, which was almost cold after he had taken so long to drink it. He felt a twinge of guilt thinking about Phil who wouldn't know where he was when he got back, or who he was with. But when Luke turned around at the counter and winked at him, Dan forgot all about him.


	10. Chapter 10

'So we're in this pub, and you're about to buy us a round of drinks. Next thing we know, some guy comes up to us and starts talking to you. Turns out you know him, and you ditch us for the rest of the night and go home with him.' Luke sat back in his seat and took a casual sip of his coffee. Dan raised his eyebrows and sipped his own, a little surprised.

'So that was the first time you met Phil?' He confirmed, feeling annoyed at his former self. 'Wow, I was a dick.'

Luke laughed, his mouth so wide open that Dan could see every one of his pearly white teeth.

'You said it, mate, not me. But we forgave you. You were in love. That much was obvious.' Luke smiled and looked down at his hand resting on his knee. 'So you're still together, then?'

'Uh- yeah, I think so.' Dan said, but he faltered. He hadn't properly thought about Phil for the last hour. He wondered where he was, and what he'd say if he could see Dan now.

Luke flicked his eyes up and raised an eyebrow.

'You don't sound so sure. Did something happen?' He asked coolly, sipping his coffee again.

'We… uh… we had a disagreement. I don't think he's talking to me.' Dan said sadly, casting his eyes down in shame.

'What were you arguing about?' Luke traced a pattern with his finger on the table.

'I had a nightmare and I wouldn't tell him what it was about.' Dan felt like an idiot just saying it. It had been a stupid argument, he shouldn't have snapped so easily.

'Oh. Right.' Luke stopped and leaned forwards. 'But how are things between you two? I mean, without this argument.'

'We're great.' Dan looked up at him, confused. 'He's been looking after me so well, and I'm really happy. I think I love him. Why?'

'Oh nothing, I just wanted to check you were ok. Just wanted to make sure my best friend is happy.' Luke smiled and downed the rest of his coffee. 'Well Dan, this was great but I gotta go.'

'Yeah, it was great talking to you. Funny, the way we bumped into each other!' Dan laughed and Luke nodded as he stood up.

'We'll have to meet up again soon. It's good to have my best friend back.' He flicked his hair out of his eyes, and Dan mirrored him absent-mindedly.

'I... uh… I'd love to but Phil didn't want you to contact me.' He grimaced.

'Then Phil doesn't have to know.' Luke grinned, and ruffled Dan's hair before turning and walking away.

Dan arrived back at the apartment and took a deep breath before stepping inside. The hallway was becoming more and more familiar with each trip out of the house.

'Dan? Is that you?' Phil called from upstairs somewhere.

'Yeah. I just got home.' Dan called back, and a few moments later Phil was running down the stairs. He only just stopped in front of Dan, and immediately wrapped his arms around him.

'I'm sorry for trying to push you, Dan. I should have just dropped it.' He sobbed, and Dan squeezed him tightly.

'No, it's me who should be apologising. I should never have snapped at you like that. You didn't deserve it.' Dan rubbed soothing circles on Phil's back until he pulled away and kissed Dan. They stood in the hallway for a moment, silent apart from the sounds of their lips meeting. Eventually they broke apart before going upstairs, still holding hands, and collapsing on the sofa in the lounge. Dan intertwined his fingers with Phil's and they curled up together. Everything was forgiven and Dan had a warm feeling inside, slightly dampened by a sense of guilt.

'So where did you go this afternoon? I went out to the shop to get ingredients for a special meal tonight, and when I got back you were gone.' Phil mumbled, as he stared into  
Dan's eyes with their foreheads meeting.

'I… uh… I went out for a coffee. I needed some air, I felt awful about how I hurt you.' It wasn't lying, not technically. Technically, he had gone out for a coffee. He was just leaving out the details, like with whom.

'Ok then. Well, you're back just in time. I've created a culinary masterpiece which I can't wait for you to try. It's one of your favourites. I'm reintroducing it to you.' Phil grinned, and he got up, offering a hand to pull Dan up.

'Phil… you know my video?' Dan started, as they lay side by side under the covers in bed.

'Mmhmm.' Phil nodded.

'I've seen the response. It's – it's a little crazy. There are so many people, and they all have a different opinion about it. I've lost 50'000 subscribers since it went public, and I've seen loads of hateful messages.' He stopped and tried to gather himself. There was no point crying over these strangers he repeated to himself, but it didn't stop it from hurting.

Phil pulled him into a tight embrace and played with his hair.

'Then those 50'000 people didn't truly support you in the first place. It's going to be ok, Dan, I promise. I'm here to help you carry on, and first thing tomorrow we're going to make another video and show the world that you are still Dan.'

_'Phil, please don't do this, I can change.'_

_'It's too late. I've given you enough chances.'_

_'But I love you!' _

_'I want to believe you but- shit! No, no, no!'_

_The car swerved and the brakes screeched for so long that they morphed into a scream._

When Dan woke, he was drenched in a cold sweat, with Phil staring down at him. But this time there were no words. Phil lay back down and turned away. Dan was left to replay the seconds which had been added to the dream, and hope that this was just a figment of his imagination.


End file.
